sacred sundays vol. 11

pain can't be avoided

Photo by me from the rice fields of Bali

Over the weekend, I grabbed something off of a shelf and got a microscopic splinter in my finger. I found some tweezers, quickly picked out the little spec of wood that I saw, and then happily carried on. Moments later I was back to my to-do list of things to finish throughout the rest of my day.

But as I typed some emails, I couldn’t help but feel a slight pain in my finger where the splinter was. I inspected it, rubbed the tip of my nail, picked my skin, tried to see what could still be underneath the surface, and continued working. By nighttime, the pain in my finger was undeniable. There was still a piece of the splinter left in my finger, so tiny that I couldn’t see it with my eye.

I did my Google searches and found all of the home remedies on how to naturally get a splinter to come out on its own. Vinegar, baking soda, tape, wax, you name it. I found all the suggestions that could be as quick and painless as possible. I tried quite a few that night and ended up without any success. After pecking my finger all evening, I went to bed with a colorful kids’ bandaid and a sour-ass mood. I told myself to go to sleep, forget about it, and hoped it would just disappear and no longer bother me the next day.

But you guessed it, I was WRONG and the next morning I woke up with a now throbbing, painful, and swollen finger. The splinter was there and I could not ignore it, nor could I go about my day acting like it wasn’t bothering me. At this point, I’m so angry that no one in the house wants to cross my path because they see the fury and frustration on my face. “You’ve got to get this out today,” I tell myself huffing and pouting yet still confident that it’s going to come out on it’s own without me having to fool with it.

The natural remedies still don’t work so I say, fuck it. Here come the nail clippers, cuticle files, medical scissors, and a damn sterilized sewing needle. As you see, I’m now cussing and an innocent bystander would think I was about to do surgery on myself. As I gently peel the layers of skin near the nail back with the needle, I feel a sense of trust coming over me. I hear my inner voice encouraging me, and telling me that I can handle this which honestly speaking is new for me. In the past, I’d copped out so fast when it came to doing “presumably” hard things with an air of intense negativity, fear, and doubt. You may think, girl, it’s just a splinter but to me this is a lesson of courage and bravery. I am celebrating my small wins, okay?

My dad walks into the bathroom and sees me frustrated. He mentions, “You really might just need a magnifying glass.” (Thanks, Dad.) “YES!” I holler with excitement. I’m out of the door in five minutes rushing to the store with Young Thug playing to continue hyping up the inner ‘G’ in me. While at the store, I pick up some numbing cream and a bottle of rubbing alcohol for my at-home procedure and then I’m on my way out to finish the mission.

I apply the cream to my finger, grab my magnifying glass and I can finally see the smallest spec of the wood splinter under my skin. I begin to squeeze it from side to side, slowly seeing the little wood expel itself out of my flesh. At last, I grab the tweezers and pull out the irritating fragment. It was literally smaller than a piece of thread. Like I’m talking the width of an eyelash. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I could not believe that this itsy bitty hairlike strand was what was causing me so much pain and discomfort. But just like that, the nagging ache and discomfort was gone.

At that same moment, an epiphany came over me. Sometimes the smallest things DO bother us. They linger within our subconsciouses and haunt us. We avoid even looking at it and think it’s going to just go away on its own. For so long we have been taught not to let the little things bother us, but the truth is, often they do. We push what’s hurting us away. We dismiss it. We ignore it. We bottle it up. We let ourselves suffer because we don’t want to face the discomfort of looking at the issue. But what if we at least took the time to acknowledge that the little thing does exist and that it is causing us pain? Then we can finally feel relief.

I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of time in my twenties suffering because I was so afraid of experiencing the pain it could bring up. And by avoiding short-term pain, I caused myself to suffer so much more long-term pain. I never wanted to admit it, but my fear of pain was causing more of it. Now, at 30 I feel that I am finally at a place in my life to face my pains. I feel a strength and power within myself to face what comes my way without hiding, avoiding, or running away.

Whatever challenges come my way, I know I can handle them. When we avoid suffering we inevitably cause ourselves to suffer more. Somethings truly do not go away until we handle them. What pains do you feel in your life right now? What needs to be done to resolve them? To heal them? To remove them? To acknowledge them? To accept them? There is no better time than now to confront what is causing you to hurt. The sooner you do it the quicker you will be on a path of healing. It’s okay to rip the bandaid off now. The pain has more to teach you than you may realize.

With love,

Taylor xoxo